Pleasing the One Above
Ok, so that's rather gruesome. But for the past month or so, that sort of summarises how I felt for the most part of it. Yup, we are requried to write a dissertation as part of our final year in architecture at NUS. It is basically a 10, 000 word research paper that is meant to test us on our ability to carry out a personal investigation on a particular topic of interest and to present our findings and conclusions in an intelligent academic paper. And yes, there were times I felt just like that person in the animation.
Well, after months of agonising and frustrating over my dissertation, I finally get to hand it in this Friday. Except that I won't. Thing is, I didn't do a proper job at it. My supervisor recommended me for IP (In Progress) status, meaning to take an extra semester next academic year to complete it. That can be quite terrifyingly painful especially when you realise that you will actually have to pay the school an extra sem's worth of fees just for 5 weeks in school! (submission is 5 weeks into Sem 1.) And especially when the money is your parent's.
The past few days, I have been thinking about all the possible things $3500 can buy - a few Canon L lenses, a Yamaha S90 keyboard, my driving lessons until I pass, a trip to Europe for 3 weeks, a superfast computer with LCD flatscreen, a Canon 30D and the list goes on.
Seriously, I did badly this time. And this mistake is going to cost. But I have learnt my lesson from this experience. I realised that I give up too easily. That I give myself excuses because of how I feel about doing things. I allow my "feeling" to determine how and when I should work. I learnt that it is very neccessary to discipline your mind to DO IT instead of relying on how I feel. I guess that could be what the Bible meant when it said in Jeremiah 17:9, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"
Not that I feel a need to explain to everyone what has happened or am trying to reach some sort of catharsis through a public confession of sorts. The thing is, I really struggled through this. I struggled to spend time on it, I struggled to borrow the necessary books, I struggled to sit down and start writing. Until it was too late. Then, having no choice, I forced myself to come up with some half-baked product that I am glad my tutor recognised as "a good journalistic piece, but not an academic paper". He was being nice.
I guess the reason I am writing this all out is because I know we all have dreams. And we will stumble and fall and not reach high enough while reaching for that star. DO NOT GIVE UP. You must not. Make sure you do better the next time. Pick yourself up and push forward. You CAN because you were created to do great things! But you CANNOT do it with your own confidence and your own strength. It is IMPOSSIBLE. The Bible does share with us a little secret though. It tells us, "Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."
If there was one thing I have learnt in the past years, it is that I am really nothing except for the grace of God. The beautiful thing is, in Him, I am everything! Delighting in the Lord means to seek His approval above all things. Above the approval of man, above the approval of society, above the approval of your boss, and especially, above the approval of your self!
And so I will soldier on, finding my confidence in Him again. I will do better the next time. But I do it only to please the one above. That's all that matters.
Well, after months of agonising and frustrating over my dissertation, I finally get to hand it in this Friday. Except that I won't. Thing is, I didn't do a proper job at it. My supervisor recommended me for IP (In Progress) status, meaning to take an extra semester next academic year to complete it. That can be quite terrifyingly painful especially when you realise that you will actually have to pay the school an extra sem's worth of fees just for 5 weeks in school! (submission is 5 weeks into Sem 1.) And especially when the money is your parent's.
The past few days, I have been thinking about all the possible things $3500 can buy - a few Canon L lenses, a Yamaha S90 keyboard, my driving lessons until I pass, a trip to Europe for 3 weeks, a superfast computer with LCD flatscreen, a Canon 30D and the list goes on.
Seriously, I did badly this time. And this mistake is going to cost. But I have learnt my lesson from this experience. I realised that I give up too easily. That I give myself excuses because of how I feel about doing things. I allow my "feeling" to determine how and when I should work. I learnt that it is very neccessary to discipline your mind to DO IT instead of relying on how I feel. I guess that could be what the Bible meant when it said in Jeremiah 17:9, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"
Not that I feel a need to explain to everyone what has happened or am trying to reach some sort of catharsis through a public confession of sorts. The thing is, I really struggled through this. I struggled to spend time on it, I struggled to borrow the necessary books, I struggled to sit down and start writing. Until it was too late. Then, having no choice, I forced myself to come up with some half-baked product that I am glad my tutor recognised as "a good journalistic piece, but not an academic paper". He was being nice.
I guess the reason I am writing this all out is because I know we all have dreams. And we will stumble and fall and not reach high enough while reaching for that star. DO NOT GIVE UP. You must not. Make sure you do better the next time. Pick yourself up and push forward. You CAN because you were created to do great things! But you CANNOT do it with your own confidence and your own strength. It is IMPOSSIBLE. The Bible does share with us a little secret though. It tells us, "Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."
If there was one thing I have learnt in the past years, it is that I am really nothing except for the grace of God. The beautiful thing is, in Him, I am everything! Delighting in the Lord means to seek His approval above all things. Above the approval of man, above the approval of society, above the approval of your boss, and especially, above the approval of your self!
And so I will soldier on, finding my confidence in Him again. I will do better the next time. But I do it only to please the one above. That's all that matters.
No comments:
Post a Comment